Anyway, I couldn't look at the screen and finally Susie (the sonographer who I know well) said, "D, you should look" and I could see the tiny flicker of a heartbeat on the screen.
I felt a rush of relief and have now let myself consider the possibility that things could work out.
It's super late here and I'm exhausted. We are frantically packing and organizing our house, running errands, switching cell phone providers, etc. in preparation for our departure next week. I now am adding to that list to figure out health insurance and how to get Lovenox in New Zealand, Sydney and/or Japan, and probably in Europe. Thrilled to have this problem, of course...
The positive ultrasound and a good workout yesterday gave me a little boost that I've needed this week, plus today is B's SECOND BIRTHDAY! The 30th is the anniversary of L's death and it is definitely weighing on me, but B had so much fun decorating cupcakes with her friends, singing the happy birthday song over and over, opening a few presents, and toting her balloons all around the house that it lifted my spirits immensely. I'm going to steal an idea from a fellow baby loss Mom and run 3 miles on the 30th for the 3rd anniversary of L's death.
B enjoying her balloons immensely. Please ignore the total mess that is/was our office and is now the repository for items that still need to be packed. Our house is a disaster!