I'm not sure what has changed since my last two posts, but I'm happy to report that I'm feeling much better. The malaise that has been hanging over me since my miscarriage has, for the most part, lifted. I've decided that despite the horrible test results I got, I'm not giving up on my body. I refuse to believe that I can go from regular cycles to menopause with one miscarriage, even if that makes me a fool.
So, I'm back on all of my supplements, the herbs recommended by my acupuncturist, and I'm going to see my OB next week about hormone replacement therapy (HRT). I'm also going to see a local NP who specializes in natural HRT. If I'm going to start pumping my body full of hormones, I'm going to do some research first.
Whether it is the shift in my attitude or an actual change in my body or the herbs/supplements, I haven't had a hot flash in two weeks and my other symptoms have gone away. Like writing in the early days of pregnancy, I feel like a fool for publishing this post in some ways. I know what my numbers are. I know what the odds are of ever getting pregnant. And I know that I'm in perimenopause. But I'm not giving up.
In the meantime, how could I stay sad too long with this sassy, adorable one in my life?
I also ran another marathon last weekend. While I have always enjoyed running and have never had an issue with mental toughness, in the two races I've done this year, I've had absolute mental collapses around mile 18. I become really negative, I've shed tears (crying and running do not go well together), and I've questioned whether I can finish (even though there is no doubt than I can physically). I've concluded that marathoning is something I am really not enjoying right now, so I'm taking a break. I'm still going to run, but I'm going to do more pilates and swimming and mountain biking and things that I'm actually enjoying.
So, that's the update. Call me crazy for not just throwing in the towel, but I'm just trying to keep things real and honest on this blog. So there it is.