Yesterday I visited with a RE for the first time since I was pregnant with Baby B. I had an appointment with her in August, but then she switched practices so this was the first I could see her, which is a bummer since I now will only have one (maybe two) cycles before we leave for our trip. I knew when we planned our trip that I was giving up pursuing aggressive fertility treatments and I just need to be at peace with that.
Back to the appointment. Dr. A agreed that aggressive IVF is really not going to work for me since IVF is a numbers game and I'm not likely to get many eggs and the ones I get are likely to be poor quality. I'm not really interested in IVF from a mental or physical perspective anyway. What she was willing to try and thought was worth a shot (and is not that expensive, which is a nice bonus), is doing one cycle on Clomid and then one cycle on Clomid + injectibles depending on how I feel and respond the firs time around. We leave for Thanksgiving on Friday for a week, so Clomid is my only option this cycle since I'll be in Boston and can't be monitored. So, today is cycle day 1 and on Thursday I'll start taking Clomid.
I've heard terrible things about how it can make you feel, but my RE said the side effects are akin to menopausal symptoms. For those of you who have taken Clomid, how did it make you feel? Hopefully I'll be able to keep me s*it together while we are back east with family and friends.
If I manage to have a normal-ish cycle after this one, I'll have one more chance before we leave to do a Clomid + injectibles cycle that is monitored and maybe do an IUI.
The odds of success are seriously low (less than 5%). I have to laugh at that because, seriously, that is basically zero. Not quite, but basically, But here we go. I know I won't regret trying but I will regret not trying (and am already regretting not making this appointment happen sooner).
By the way, I love Dr. A (she just joined so new practice name and website are forthcoming - male Dr. A who works there is fantastic, too). She sat down and talked with me for 45 minutes. She came out to the lobby to meet me herself, which has *never* happened before. She answered all of my questions. She was thoughtful, compassionate, clear in her explanations, and realistic. I cannot recommend her enough if you are in Colorado and I, literally, have been to every fertility clinic in the greater Denver area.
For those of you (if there are any) who are reading this and still hoping, praying, yearning, and trying for your first baby, may I just say that I so vividly recall those feelings of desperation and returning to the RE brought them all flooding back. I even commented to Dr. A how differently it felt being there with a living, breathing child at home but that the overwhelming sadness and hopelessness is a feeling I can always dredge up again. My heart aches for another child, but there is no doubt that having B at home makes this process more bearable. I really hope I'm not writing anything offensive or hurtful -- what I want to convey is that my heart just goes out to those still yearning for #1 because it is different. There were two couples in the waiting room yesterday who had children with them and while I was able to smile and joke with them a bit, I noticed another couple sitting nearby and I thought the woman was going to burst into tears at any second. I vividly recall being in RE waiting rooms and thinking HOW IS IT POSSIBLE THEY ALLOW PEOPLE TO BRING CHILDREN HERE? It just seemed so cruel.