At our ultrasound on Monday, we learned that the baby hadn't grown at all. It was the news I was expecting, but it didn't make it any easier to swallow. We talked through options (wait to miscarry naturally, take Cytotec at home, or have a D&C) and I kept everything together at my doctor's office.
B and I had her first swimming lesson of the new session that afternoon and had so much fun. She loves the water and it was just what I needed for us to play together and laugh and for me to be reminded of everything I do have.
I didn't lose it until I was putting B to bed. We always read in the glider and then I rock her while she has milk and I sing. And man, are there any lullabies that aren't sad to begin with and even worse when you are struggling and emotional? I basically sobbed my way through her bedtime and for the following hour... and then I swallowed 4 Cytotec and the waiting began.
Unfortunately, the Cytotec hasn't worked at all, so I stayed home from work and wore a bulky pad (ha) all day for nothing. I'm starting round #2 tonight and I really hope it works this time. My OB would really like for me to avoid having a D&C and I really would rather not as well.
Now that we have a path forward, I feel much better about the state of things. I obviously wished the outcome was different, but I know that something was wrong and am relieved that any difficult decisions that could have arisen weeks from now are out of my hands.
So, that's my update. Life goes on. I'm scheduling fun activities and a date night for the weekend and hoping that I've made some progress by then. Thank you all for your support, it means so much.