Tuesday, April 5, 2016

It's Official

At our ultrasound on Monday, we learned that the baby hadn't grown at all.  It was the news I was expecting, but it didn't make it any easier to swallow.  We talked through options (wait to miscarry naturally, take Cytotec at home, or have a D&C) and I kept everything together at my doctor's office.

B and I had her first swimming lesson of the new session that afternoon and had so much fun.  She loves the water and it was just what I needed for us to play together and laugh and for me to be reminded of everything I do have.  

I didn't lose it until I was putting B to bed.  We always read in the glider and then I rock her while she has milk and I sing.  And man, are there any lullabies that aren't sad to begin with and even worse when you are struggling and emotional?  I basically sobbed my way through her bedtime and for the following hour... and then I swallowed 4 Cytotec and the waiting began.

Unfortunately, the Cytotec hasn't worked at all, so I stayed home from work and wore a bulky pad (ha) all day for nothing. I'm starting round #2 tonight and I really hope it works this time.  My OB would really like for me to avoid having a D&C and I really would rather not as well.

Now that we have a path forward, I feel much better about the state of things.  I obviously wished the outcome was different, but I know that something was wrong and am relieved that any difficult decisions that could have arisen weeks from now are out of my hands.

So, that's my update.  Life goes on.  I'm scheduling fun activities and a date night for the weekend and hoping that I've made some progress by then.  Thank you all for your support, it means so much.


  1. Oh Man. Well, I was hoping to hear something different, just as you were, but I know the reality of this whole pregnancy struggle side. I'm still sorry. It does hurt.

    There really is something about nursery rhymes and kid songs that gets me bad, too. They are so innocently awful for the already high emotions.

    I hope the second round moves things along. I'm so sorry.

    1. Second round is moving and I feel better already. Tomorrow is a new day. Thanks for your support.

  2. I'm so sorry. I hope the second round works, so that at least the medical aspects are taken care of. Hugs.

  3. So sorry that you have to go through this. I like that you made weekend plans and hope that you can enjoy them as much as possible. I agree, the bedtime routine can be emotional.

  4. Sorry friend. This sucks. Nothing eloquent is coming to mind right now. I'm just sorry and sad with and for you. xo

  5. I have been checking back here for an update from you. I am sorry and sad for you too. Glad B is able to bring you some comfort. Hope you get the physical part over and done with soon.

  6. I'm so sorry. I hope the second round was successful and that the experience has been as easy as possible, at least physically. I hope your weekend is good and helps give you some peace.

  7. So, so sorry. It is never easy. Thinking of you. <3