Anyway, the six month mark hit me like a ton of bricks in a way that I was just not expecting. Truthfully, the date sort of crept up and then, the night prior, I found myself wide awake and crying until the wee hours of the night because I just was so sad about everything that happened. So sad about losing L. So sad about losing my ability to hope... for anything. So sad for our family. And then so scared about this miracle pregnancy and the pain that I know we could suffer through again.
I tried to calm myself by talking to the little baby growing inside of me... telling him/her how much we love them, how we can't wait to meet him/her, and how we just want to have him/her as part of our family so very much. I guess the date and my reaction just reminded that while I can have "normal" days where I think of L, but don't necessarily cry or get upset, there are other days when I just feel absolutely bowled over by the sadness.
In a happier update, we had a good ultrasound Monday morning and Thursday is the big 12-week scan and Maternit21 test. Update to follow!