Monday, July 28, 2014
15 Weeks & Perceptive People
On Friday, I had an incredibly sweet woman at work come up to my desk and ask (in a very hushed voice) if I am pregnant. Now I haven't told anyone at work, so I figured that my attempt to wear blousy tops to mask my bump must be failing. Instead, after I responded "yes," and asked "Is it that obvious?" she actually said "No" and that she could tell because I seemed so much happier these last few weeks.
She wasn't being nosy and I wasn't at all offended by her upfront question because she knew all about L and we actually had a heart to heart about her own fertility struggles (she is probably 30 years older than me). She was actually one of Dr. Schoolcraft's first patients (pre-CCRM) and one of the first women to undergo IVF (for the record, it didn't work for her, and she was on a few adoption lists when she naturally conceived after years of trying).
It really just drove home that it isn't just that I feel better and have hope again, but that those emotions and feelings are visible to everyone around me, which made me a little sad and made me reflect on just how tough things have been... not that they are all wonderful now with the anxiety surrounding this pregnancy, but I am no longer wallowing in a despair. I'm even able to think about L in a happy, nostalgic way without always ending up in tears.
And speaking of anxiety, guess who failed to make it to her next ultrasound without scheduling a last-minute ultrasound last week? Yes, that would be me. I have just been fretting a bit about going almost 4 weeks without seeing this little girl move around, particularly since I can't feel her yet and this morning I desperately wanted some reassurance. I went in on Friday. Her little heart was beating away... but she was sleeping. I've never seen a baby sleep on an ultrasound before. The tech assured me this was normal, but it is freaking me about a bit. She was just so still! Has anyone else seen their baby sleeping on an ultrasound? L was *always* moving and so far this baby has been, too.
Oh, and my doppler arrived, but I've been too nervous about it creating extra anxiety to actually use it. I'm really looking forward to when this baby starts moving around so I can feel her and be reassured!