On the other hand, here we are! 36 weeks. My induction is scheduled for a week from tomorrow at 8 AM. I may meet my little girl in a week. Tonight my husband and I were both talking to her. He suggested that we call her Meatball (ha) and asked her what she thought. It seems like we are so close to having her in our arms.
Tomorrow morning we have our carseat check (first we have to actually install it) and we are finally going to put together the crib and the dresser and get the baby's room organized. After L, I swore that if we ever had another baby, I wouldn't do anything until he or she arrived and would just have a friend or my parents bring us a carseat in the hospital. I felt that way until about a month ago when the urge to prepare and nest kicked in and I just could not help myself. Now I just want the room set up so I can feel like we are prepared in the only way I know how to be.
For those of you out there who have experienced a loss and have gone on to have a healthy, living child, how did you handle the anxiety at the end? I'm still exercising and going to acupuncture and I have times when I feel happy and optimistic, but the fear is always there...
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| 36 Weeks - A Headless Bump Shot |
I don't have any words of advice here, but just wanted to let you know I am thinking of you! I think the anxiety is only natural after what you have been through. You've shown such strength through this pregnancy and I am sending you lots of love and well wishes.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for being so supportive. There probably aren't any words that would make me feel better, but most of the time the excitement outweighs the anxiety, so there is that!
DeleteYou look beautiful. I feel a lot of post infertility and loss anxiety too. It's like a fear of more trauma. I fear that my baby is going to die of SIDS or something awful. The thoughts that bring me back, and keep me grounded are these:
ReplyDelete1) The chances of me going through all I have gone through, and having another loss have to be very, very, very small. I'm doing everything I can possibly do. If something bad happens in the future, I don't want to ruin the now by thinking about it.
2) Something that one of my hubby's friends told him when we were worrying about the baby: Babies do not self destruct. While fragile, they are also incredibly strong.
I don't know if that makes much sense, or would even be a help to you, but I hope it is, or that you find peace in other ways in your last week of pregnancy. I'm wishing you a smooth and uneventful delivery. I'm so happy that your beautiful baby girl is coming soon. xo
Thanks so much, Julia. There are always going to be new fears, aren't there? I've been obsessively reading about SIDS (funny you should mention it)... and you are so right. The changes are low and there is nothing to be done about the future risks now. What will come, will come, right?
DeleteAnd you are right, they are strong. Thanks for the reminder and it is helpful. I never worried about having a stillborn baby before and that happened. And before that I never worried about being infertile and that happened, too. But then so many things I *did* worry about never came to pass.
Thanks so much for the reminder...
I have been rooting for you ever since I came across your blog. When I am struggling to find hope, it is people like you who give me the strength to aim high and not let fear overrule the quest for love. I can only imagine how excited and anxious you must be...I will be thinking of you this week and wishing you the outcome you so deserve!
ReplyDeleteThank you and thanks for commenting. It feels so nice to think of people rooting for me... and please don't give up hope. I certainly had moments where I had none and I just thought things could not get any bleaker or more hopeless... but they will eventually be countered by things improving (even if that time seems so very far away).
Deletealmost!! can't wait to virtually meet her. hoping everything goes well <3 much love...
ReplyDeleteAlmost!!! Thank you! I can't wait to share her photo...
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ReplyDeleteI have been meaning to comment, but it's midnight and my brain is mush, but you're SO CLOSE. I know the end is hard. But you're about to meet your girl with those luscious lips and I'm anxiously hopeful with/for you that her delivery will be happy and wonderful. Missing L with you as you anxiously await the arrival of her sister.
ReplyDeleteIt is always scary thinking of the things that could go wrong. Congrats on making it to 36 weeks! Hoping everything goes smoothly in the delivery. Merry Christmas!
ReplyDeleteThinking of you as you are SO SO close to holding your little miracle!
ReplyDeleteI keep coming back anxious for happy updates.
ReplyDeleteAhh! I've been so delinquent... the last week was filled with preparation and trying to clear our plates of all sorts of tasks we know won't get done in the next few weeks. As always, thanks for your support.
DeleteMe too...I think I have checked about 7 times today!
ReplyDeleteJust wanted to check back and see how you were doing...I really hope everything's ok.
ReplyDeleteThe whirlwind that happens...when your rainbow comes? It's unbelievable. So many emotions. There's nothing that can prepare you for it. But you will never have felt such relief. I'm hoping you understand this now...Huge hugs.
Oh, I do. You are so right... the emotions are totally overwhelming. I am so in love with this tiny person that it hurts.
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