Friday, September 16, 2016

September, Sadness, and A Year of Travel

It's been six weeks since my last post and there has been a lot going on.  Frankly, there has been so much going on in our lives that I haven't had much time to dwell on my wacky cycles and getting pregnant and it has been a welcome break from the subject.  To briefly mention it, I've had two more cycles, one that was 35 days and one that was 19.  I don't think I ovulated either cycle.  C'est la vie.  I feel fine and haven't been having any menopausal symptoms, so I'l take it.

Two things have dominated my life in the last few weeks:

First, my best friend died.  I don't know how to share this news without being blunt.  In a period of my life that seems to be marked by grief (as well as by extreme joy), this is yet another example of how life can be so incredibly cruel.  At the same time, her death is a reminder to live each day to the fullest.  Each night when I read to B and rock her to sleep, I smell her head, kiss her cheeks, and tell her how much I love her and relish those moments because Chelsey doesn't get to do that to her little ones anymore. It breaks my heart.  She was the first person with whom I shared my infertility news, the first person at my side after Quinn died, the only person other than Rob who attended ultrasounds during my pregnancy with Blythe, and the friend I visited for coffee immediately after my miscarriage this spring.  We've been through so much together and I don't quite know how I'll get through more without her.  But I know I will because she was the toughest lady that I know and I'll use that as my inspiration.

I'm not particularly religious.  At times like this, I really wish that I were.  Chelsey's father passed away a year to the day before Quinn.  She always talked to me about how Quinn was in heaven with her Dad and he was talking the best care of her for me.  When I got pregnant this spring again, she said "thanks, Dad and Quinn, for sending Darcy another baby."  And now the only comforting thought I have about Chelsey is that she is with her Dad (who she missed dearly) and with Quinn.  I know she believed that she would be, so I'm going to believe it, too.

This photo is of me and Chelsey after our marathon in June (I'm on the right).  She was the kind of friend who would agree to run a marathon in 6 weeks because you had a miscarriage and need something to work toward.  This won't be the last time I mention her on this blog, but that's all I can say for now.  I miss her dearly and keep waiting for her to text me about our next long run or dinner with the kiddos.

Second, we have made a momentous decision: we are taking 2017 as a year to travel.  We have booked tickets, departing January 2nd, for Kauai.  From there, we'll head to New Zealand and Japan and then to Europe.  It's a crazy decision, but it felt like the right time for both me and R in terms of work.  I'm desperate to spend more time with B and with R.  It's been a tough couple of years and it will do us some good to relax, travel, spend time together, and just enjoy life.  We aren't putting ourselves in any financial hardship by doing this trip and we are so excited.

Given that we are all acquaintances via the Internet, this probably sounds insane and like something I'm making up.  I'm really not.  I will be blogging about the trip on my regular blog, which you are all welcome to follow (although we aren't leaving until January): www.darcyeden.com.  I just ask that you please respect the fact that I talk about Q and infertility in a very different way in that space (which is not very much - I'm not ready) and REALLY do not want this space revealed on that site.

It's hard to be joyous about this adventure giving Chelsey's death.  It's actually astonishing to me how differently I'm experiencing grief about Chelsey as compared to Q, but I think that is a topic for another post.  I haven't wrapped my head around it yet.

Hug your husband, wife, partner, parents, family, littles, etc. extra tight.

17 comments:

  1. I am so, so sorry about your friend Chelsey. She is a hero for saving her son, but what a terrible tragic loss. I spent a lot of time on boats growing up (from toddler age and up) and I know how quickly things can happen. Anyone who is doing water sports, please wear your life jackets. Life can be very cruel and I'm heartbroken for the loss of your friend. I can imagine doing the same as she did and I'm sure any other mom would too.

    The trip you've planned sounds amazing. I hope it is a chance to rest and heal.

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    1. I'm sure any Mom would do the same thing and that is Chelsey through and through. I miss her every day.

      I feel similarly about the trip. It will be a chance to refocus on what is important and spend time with R&B. I'm counting the days!

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  2. Oh Darcy, I'm so sorry about your friend. How horribly tragic and difficult for you. I vaguely remember hearing about this. I'm so so sad to read that article though and for her family's loss and for yours.

    As for the travel - wow!! What a wonderful adventure ahead for your family. If you make it to England, please know you're welcome to stay with us in Oxford! I know that may seem odd to stay with strangers, but we would be happy to have you! my husband has met lots of my baby loss friends over the years and we are always happy to host visitors. You should enter the Berlin marathon - I'm hoping to do that next September (and hoping for London in april). So so exciting!

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    1. Caroline, I will ABSOLUTELY let you know when we'll be in England. We have a few friends who live in London who we plan to see and I've never been to Oxford. I'll keep you posted. Berlin... very interesting idea! It is on my bucket list and we'll likely still be in Europe so it would be easy to do. I'm going to look into entering.

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  3. Oh, I am so so sorry about your beautiful friend Chelsey. She sounds amazing, like a friend I would love to have. Such a tragedy. I am sure you will miss her incredibly.

    When Lydia was stillborn, my sister realized how short life is and took her kids to Disney world. I was furious at the time- my child dies so you take yours to Disney World? But I get it more now. I hope you enjoy seeing the world with the people you love. Life is too short.

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    1. Thanks, Heather. From what I know about you, I think you would have liked her! It was hard not to.

      Oh, I can imagine the emotions you felt when your sister when to Disney World but, yes, I do feel like life is short. If not now, then when? And better that than sitting around hoping to get pregnant again.

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  4. Oh no, I'm so very sorry about your loss. I actually read that article before you posted. So heartbreaking and so bittersweet, how she saved her son. I'm so sorry for her family and you and everyone affected by her death.
    The year of travel sounds amazing! If you happen to come to Copenhagen and want to meet up, or just get some tips from a (new) local, let me know!
    (PS - it looks like you have some real names in this article where I'm not sure you put them on purpose...)

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    1. Thanks for the note about using names. I sort of just gave up on the anonymity. We are absolutely coming to Copenhagen. I will keep you posted - probably late summer/fall.

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  5. I am so so sorry to hear about your friend. How incredibly tragic. The year of travel sounds PERFECT. I will definitely be following along on your other blog and can't wait to read about your amazing adventures!

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    1. PS: You might see me commenting on your public blog with my public blog URL: www.girlwiththeredhair.com. Just so you know that's me :)

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    2. Thanks for commenting and visiting the public blog. Woo!

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  6. I'm so sorry to hear about your friend, she sounds like an amazing woman and mother, I can't imagine the void you must be feeling
    Your year of travel sounds amazing. There is no time like the present (or near future) and I hope you enjoy that time with your family. I look forward to reading of your travels and adventures.

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    1. Thanks so much... near future is right. Less than three months!

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  7. I am so so sorry. ❤️❤️❤️❤️ Looking forward to following you on your journey.

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    1. I saw this story. I was devastated when I read it then and to know she is your best friend and she is leaving behind her boys is even more heartbreakingly horrid. I'm so, so sorry. SO sorry.

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    2. I think about her kiddos every night and my heart aches for them and for her. She is so missed.

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