Tuesday, May 27, 2014

Beta #4 and Ultrasound Day

Street art in Los Angeles

Call me crazy, but my OB did say I could come in for as many betas as I wanted to, so I went in again last week (I know) and my numbers looked great at 13,123.  I went in before leaving for a work trip to L.A., so between the trip and a weekend away for Memorial Day weekend, I haven't allowed myself much time to worry about today's ultrasound (in just one hour) until last night.

I'm nervous.  I couldn't sleep last night and I have played out every worst case scenario in my head over and over... no heartbeat, no baby, ectopic pregnancy, etc.  Knowing that things are out of my control doesn't stop me from worrying.

Separately, I have a friend with whom I shared my news who it turns out is also pregnant and about a week ahead of me.  She has been wonderfully supportive through the loss of L, but yesterday she sent me a long e-mail ranting about how they shared their news with her mother-in-law who immediately said they'd have to plan a baptism for January and started discussing details.  My friend wrote me about how she is stressed about the baptism now.  It took ALL of my willpower not to write back, "Maybe you should worry about a baptism after you have a baby that is born alive!"  It seemed quite premature to be "stressing out" (her words) about a baptism in week 7 of your pregnancy and, frankly, quite insensitive to e-mail me about it.  Even before we lost L, I didn't make any plans for the future or allow myself to consider things like that until later in the pregnancy.  Am I being terrible?  I don't know how to respond to her, but I think I need to say something to the effect that I am not the person to be sharing these concerns with given that we will make no plans for a baby until one is alive and in our arms.  Does anyone have any advice?  I probably should just ignore it but that isn't like me and I am trying to keep my life as stress-free as possible, including removing any personal "drama" that is causing me to be anxious/worry.

58 minutes and counting....


  1. I would just tell her to say they'll talk about it after the baby is here, and that they want to focus on the present. She may get the idea.

    1. Good idea - I like the "focusing on the present" comment. It isn't snarky and mean like what I *really* wanted to say!