35 Weeks

I continue to be amazed that I am lucky enough to get this far and be able to write these updates.  35 weeks yesterday!  I had an ultrasound earlier this week and this little one is growing right on track (50th percentile) and weighs over 5 pounds now!  She was moving around like crazy at our ultrasound so we couldn't get a good 3D image of her, but I am happy to report she is head down (or at least she was on Monday).

Thursday was my second NST and it went much better than the first.  I ate part of a cookie at the start to get things going and she responded like a champ.  Phew.  I left this one feeling reassured rather than panicked, which is (obviously) the point.  I'll have one in each of the next two weeks and we scheduled our induction:

Saturday, December 27th!

Two weeks from today we'll hopefully be holding our little girl.  (She just kicked me. I hope this means she is equally as excited to meet us.)

R and I are spending this weekend in the mountains.  We rented a cozy cabin, we went hiking, there is a roaring fire, and tonight we are supposed to get snow.  I was reluctant to go away because there is a lot to be done at home, but it was a great decision just to have some time for the two of us.  Last night we spent time talking about names... we haven't settled on one, but we narrowed our list.  I'm having a hard time picking one at all because I think the perfect name is the one we gave L.  Does anyone have any favorite names for girls they want to share?  We are struggling!

The view from our hike today.

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So, yesterday a dear friend of mine had her baby.  She was due about a week before me and her baby arrived early (and everyone is healthy and doing great).  I need to confess something - I am jealous.  She has been married just over a year and now - poof! - she has a little girl.  Just. Like. That.  And before me!  I've been pregnant twice!

The worst thing is that this is a friend who I love and cherish and who has been incredibly supportive over the last year in particular and here I am having these terrible feelings towards her.  Obviously I am thrilled on one level, but it is these underlying feelings that creep up from time to time that I dislike but can't seem to control....

33 Weeks

Happy Thanksgiving!  I hope everyone is enjoying a long weekend away from work and that time of year isn't especially hard... I know the holidays can be such a tough, tough time when you are struggling with infertility or loss.  They certainly still serve as a huge trigger for me - this time last year I was 21 weeks pregnant with L and all I could think about was how different the holidays would be for us this year.  I'm thinking of you all and hoping that even if life isn't going as planned right now, you have still found people or things to be thankful for this week... I know I am thankful for all of those who read and comment on this little blog (you! thank you!).  It is so wonderful to not feel so alone.  Thank you!

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Today marks 33 weeks!  Thank you all for your thoughts on getting the non-stress test (NST).  I had my first one on Tuesday of this week.  I'm not sure the name "NST" is fitting in terms of how the first one went!  I was settled into the recliner and strapped to the baby heart rate monitor and the contraction monitor and baby's heart rate was consistently between 130 and 140, which is great.  However, she appeared to be asleep, so I felt very few movements and there were no spikes in her heart rate, which is apparently what they are looking for (movement combined with spikes to show activity).  After an hour and a can of juice (which did no good), we called it and I had an ultrasound.  I wasn't worried that something terrible was happening, but I didn't feel great about the test and it was just unnerving.  I found myself getting a little panicky and thinking "This is it. I'm going to be admitted to the hospital right now."

Everything was fine.  Once we started the ultrasound, she started moving around and all of the measurements are right on schedule so there was no cause for concern.  Apparently I am to eat a meal before I come in for my next NST so this doesn't happen again.

So, baby looks great (and so baby-like at this point), although she has flipped back over and is again in breech position, which I am hoping she'll resolve in the next few weeks.  I had been feeling this movements very low in my pelvis, which now makes sense... she's kicking me with her tiny feet.

We didn't "schedule" the induction, but my OB is on call on the 26th through 28th of December, so we'll likely start on the 26th.  It seems crazy, but that is one month away.  We just need to hang on and stay healthy for one more month.

33 weeks! It looks like her tiny nose is pressed up against a window.
And those lips!  I cannot wait to meet her.

Non-Stress Tests

Hello out there!  I'm looking for a little bit of advice today and hoping that some of you have thoughts on Non-Stress Tests or NSTs.  Both my high-risk OB and regular OB have offered me NSTs starting at 32 weeks.  Apparently they are pretty standard after one has a stillbirth, but given that we generally know what caused L's death (clotting in the placenta), both doctors think they won't actually be very helpful for me   Both of them think that if I started to have clotting in the placenta, we would see growth restriction (which we haven't).  And if I have an "acute event" like I did last time, the chance of us catching it while it happens is almost zero (so comforting).

That said, they have both brought it up and left it up to me as to whether we do them.

And I don't know what to do.

I've definitely been all for monitoring of any kind during this pregnancy.  I have probably had 20 ultrasounds and I've been seen every other week since 20 weeks.  But those visits were recommended and it seems like the doctors are not really recommending NSTs but instead just giving me the option.

I live in fear of making the wrong decision, but I don't want to do something just to do it (not to mention that NSTs would be twice a week for an hour each visit).

Any thoughts?  Has anyone done NSTs?  Were they comforting and/or helpful?

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In other news, the high-risk OB confirmed today that we'll induce at 37 weeks, which is the day after Christmas!  So, I'll work until Christmas Eve and that will be it for me (provided all goes well until then, of course).  So, this little nugget should arrive before the New Year. Crazy.