October: Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month

As many of you know, October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month.  Outside of this space, I've been relatively quiet on this topic, but I recently decided it was time to talk more openly about it, including on my other blog.  I just published this post and wanted to share it here, too.

I'm holding you all and your babies in my heart today (and always).

36

 Today I turn 36.  After Chelsey's death, I promised myself I would celebrate birthdays every year from here on out, so I'm doing it.  R brought my breakfast and coffee in bed, I read to B all morning and came to work late, and tonight we are celebrating with friends.  I'm trying not to let myself dwell on the fact that even if I didn't have POF/POI as a diagnosis, I am now firmly in the "advanced maternal age camp."

Things have slowly been improving in terms of emotions and hormones.  I appear to be having another normal cycle (are you sick of hearing about my cycles yet?) and I'm feeling good.  I found a nurse practitioner who specializes in menopause in Denver (Cece Huffnagle) who is fantastic and has been incredibly helpful.  We talked through making sure I'm comfortable (e.g., stopping hot flashes, helping with dryness, regulating the emotional swings) without preventing the possibility of pregnancy.  She prescribed a cream for me to use that is super low dose and has helped and also is having me take progesterone every day from ovulation until cycle.  If, miraculously, I fertilized an egg, I likely wouldn't be producing enough progesterone to support the pregnancy so this would help.  There isn't any harm in taking it, so I'm doing it.  And I'm still continuing with all of the herbs and supplements.

"Kiss. Pumpkins."

We are slowly planning our trip!  We leave for Kauai on January 2nd.  It's amazing how much more tolerable coming to work is each day now that I have an end date.  I'm also taking my time in the mornings, reading longer with B, hanging out for a bit with her and our nanny (who I love), and having coffee with R.  Anyway, that is the not-so-exciting update from here.  I'm so glad it is fall.  B will be a flamingo for Halloween (she is obsessed) and loves kissing pumpkins (on anyone's porch or in anyone's garden).  She has so many words and she constantly amazes me with the new phrases she says.  She's obsessed with reading (particularly Toot & Puddle, Olivia, and "Higher Higher").  I couldn't love this girl more!