Wednesday, June 18, 2014
Finding Out Gender after a Loss
With my DOR, if we make it to 12 weeks with this miracle pregnancy, we'll get a Maternit21 test done. Part of the results include being able to find out the gender of the baby. With L, we found out she was a girl just after 12 weeks (on my 33rd birthday, in fact). I didn't care one way or the other before we found out... in fact, when my husband read the card and announced she was a girl, my first thought was "I hope I don't pass along my fertility issues to her."
But after losing L, I have a vision of what our family was going to look like with her in it. When I think about our family, I think about us having a little girl. Of course that little girl is L, so any future baby would be different, but the idea is there. Truly, all I want is a healthy pregnancy and living baby at the end... but I'd be lying if I didn't admit to thinking a lot about the gender of this baby. How will I feel if it is a boy? Or if it is a girl? Should I find out early again? Should we just be surprised if we get to that point?
Has anyone grappled with knowing the gender after a loss? Any thoughts or advice on finding out vs. waiting? Ultimately, I know that if I get to hold a living, breathing baby in just over 7 months, I won't care at all. But in this time period of waiting and over-thinking, I'm seemingly obsessed. I'd love to hear from anyone who has been through something similar.