Wow, I've been terrible about blogging. I have been writing on my other blog, but I've been preoccupied with traveling and having fun.
Mercifully, the day after my doctor's appointment, my body started to miscarry on its own (I started bleeding). It was as if my body had known for weeks but my mind was clinging to the pregnancy. Once I let go of it in my head, my body followed. I took Cytotec anyway and it was a pretty easy process albeit uncomfortable as many of you unfortunately know.
5 weeks later, I have just had my first cycle since the miscarriage. I haven't had any menopausal symptoms this time around for which I am eternally grateful and I haven't fallen into a depression like I did last spring. Part of it is certainly that I have learned to manage my expectations a bit but more so I think it is just that I refuse to let this ruin our trip. We had an incredible time in Hawaii, fell in love with Sydney, and are having the best time exploring New Zealand. My health is good all things considered and I love spending time with R & B. Am I incredibly sad and disappointed? Of course. But I won't let it swallow me whole this time around.
So, that's the update from here. My OB did write me another prescription for Clomid before I left Hawaii and I filled it, but I don't plan on taking it right away. I'm going to see what happens the next few cycles and try not to focus too much on trying to get pregnant. I feel more resigned than ever to not having another baby.
I did read a fascinating NY Times article today about stillbirth and three tests that can help determine the cause in many cases: placental examination, fetal autopsy, and genetic testing. We had all three of these done on Q and the placental examination did tell us what happened to her although we still don't know why. In any event, an interesting read for those of us who have experienced stillbirth (at least I find myself wanting to read and know everything about it).
You all are still very much in my thoughts, I'm just not at a computer very often (which is the whole point of this trip).