The emotions of this first week back are intense. Truthfully, it feels really nice to get up, shower, blow dry my hair, and go to work! I get a coffee on the way, I get a lot done, I converse with adults, and I have some freedom and feel a bit more like myself. I try to squeeze in a workout and to remember what I am like as an individual rather than just who I am as a Mom. And I have some time to catch up on blogging and reading other blogs (I am sure my employer would be thrilled to hear that).
But, I spend a great deal of my day thinking about B. What is she up to? When can we snuggle? Will she be awake when I am home? What are she and the nanny up to? Is she happy? Is she being properly cared for? Will she resent me for not having stayed home with her? The list goes on and on...
B will be four months old next week and we are having so much fun together so I just hate missing out on things. She has rolled over a few times and laughs and smiles and loves being read to and sung to. And I am not there to see it happen. This weekend we are taking her swimming for the first time. I cannot wait.
I know we all struggle with these emotions and there is a completely other side of them for those of us who stay home with our babies full-time. I knew it would be hard, but perhaps not *this* hard. Any thoughts or advice from those of you who have been doing this longer?