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Someone loves playing with balloons and eating berry shortcake. |
Monday, December 28, 2015
Happy Birthday, B!
Happiest birthday to our Baby B! How is it possible that you are one already? We could not love you more.
Monday, November 23, 2015
11 Months and Hawaii!
Whoa. Where did the last few months go? Summer ended and everyone seemed to remember they had a job and all of a sudden my work flow picked up and, frankly, got totally out of control! I haven't made time for much outside of spending time with family, work (including lots of travel), exercising (occasionally), and sleep. And let's be honest... most of my time outside of work is spent with this nugget:
So, as we kick off the holiday season later this week with Thanksgiving, I want those of you who read to know I am thankful for you and your support and your willingness to share and listen. And if any of you have taken a red-eye with an 11-month-old baby, I'd love to hear any advice you have. While this vacation has been absolutely amazing, I am dreading the flight home...
I cannot believe she'll be 11 months old this week. Apparently I am supposed to start thinking about her first birthday? Where did the last year go? Does anyone have any first birthday party tips? I swore when I was pregnant that we'd always celebrate her birthday so she wouldn't resent the fact that it is sandwiched between Christmas and the New Year, but now I'm wondering what we should do. Perhaps it is time to get on Pinterest so I can be reminded of my party planning inadequacy!
We've been doing a lot of traveling lately, both for work and pleasure. I had work trips to Washington, D.C. and Boston and now we are in Hawaii for 2 weeks for vacation. A break from work and "regular" life could not have come at a better time. I haven't been checking e-mail or text messagand I feel so refreshed and refocused, which was much needed. And I've spent a lot of time thinking about just how much we have to be thankful for this year... which is easy to do when I'm playing in the sand with the sweetest little girl. I've been reading Better than Before (Gretchen Rubin and I seem to be on the same wave length) and trying to stick to good habits and quash bad ones, which includes blogging more frequently and running regularly (I signed up for the Austin Marathon in February so I better). Does anyone else enjoy Gretchen's books or podcast?
So, as we kick off the holiday season later this week with Thanksgiving, I want those of you who read to know I am thankful for you and your support and your willingness to share and listen. And if any of you have taken a red-eye with an 11-month-old baby, I'd love to hear any advice you have. While this vacation has been absolutely amazing, I am dreading the flight home...
Friday, November 20, 2015
Halloween
Alternative title: better late than never.
I cannot resist sharing that Baby B was a garden gnome for Halloween. And in my humble and totally biased opinion, she crushed it. My Mom made her costume and B even left the hat and beard on for several hours.
Thursday, October 15, 2015
Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day
If you are reading this blog, I suspect you already know that today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day and that October is SIDS, Pregnancy and Infant Loss Month. I know that all of us who have lost a baby or babies think of them every day, but I really love that there is a special day to honor those babies and our losses and do hope that awareness grows for these events.
Two weeks ago, we attended the Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep walk in Littleton, Colorado. My parents joined us, as did a friend from my support group (and her husband and baby girl). It was a somber experience (of course) and so wonderful to set aside a few hours to just reflect and both celebrate and allow ourselves to be sad about Quinn. They read the names of all the babies who had been lost by attendees and it really meant to much to just hear her name. It was heartbreaking to hear hers and so many others (and so many families with multiple names that were read).
What I didn't do that I still want to do this month is go back and look through Quinn's box (incidentally, the box that NILMDTS gave us in the hospital). I haven't looked at her photos in months and somehow I feel like I am doing a disservice to her memory. That said, sometimes I just can't bring myself to open up the floodgates for the grief again. I know it is good to do from time to time, but it hasn't felt like the right time yet...
I woke up to a very sweet e-mail from a friend this morning telling me she is thinking of me and attaching the image below, which is from a line of cards. These cards were created by Dr. Jessica Zucker, a psychologist and writer who specializes in women's reproductive and maternal-fetal health. I'm not one to drop F-bombs often, but I did appreciate the message and the statements certainly resonated with me -- it is amazing what people think will help to say.
What I'm trying to do this month is be especially joyful about my current situation (and particularly for that nugget pictured above). I have a happy, healthy, fun, beautiful little girl and the best husband. I have a great job and a comfortable home and life is very, very good. Every morning when I get B from her crib, I give thanks for her and the joy she has returned to our home and our hearts. She is such a light. So even with the sadness that bubbles up more often than I would like, and especially this month after events like the walk, I know just how good things are.
I'm thinking of you all... while I may not know you outside of our online connection, I think of you all often, wonder how you are doing, love reading about your activities and families, and so greatly value this community that has taken me in and pulled me through some really hard times.
Two weeks ago, we attended the Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep walk in Littleton, Colorado. My parents joined us, as did a friend from my support group (and her husband and baby girl). It was a somber experience (of course) and so wonderful to set aside a few hours to just reflect and both celebrate and allow ourselves to be sad about Quinn. They read the names of all the babies who had been lost by attendees and it really meant to much to just hear her name. It was heartbreaking to hear hers and so many others (and so many families with multiple names that were read).
What I didn't do that I still want to do this month is go back and look through Quinn's box (incidentally, the box that NILMDTS gave us in the hospital). I haven't looked at her photos in months and somehow I feel like I am doing a disservice to her memory. That said, sometimes I just can't bring myself to open up the floodgates for the grief again. I know it is good to do from time to time, but it hasn't felt like the right time yet...
I woke up to a very sweet e-mail from a friend this morning telling me she is thinking of me and attaching the image below, which is from a line of cards. These cards were created by Dr. Jessica Zucker, a psychologist and writer who specializes in women's reproductive and maternal-fetal health. I'm not one to drop F-bombs often, but I did appreciate the message and the statements certainly resonated with me -- it is amazing what people think will help to say.
I'm thinking of you all... while I may not know you outside of our online connection, I think of you all often, wonder how you are doing, love reading about your activities and families, and so greatly value this community that has taken me in and pulled me through some really hard times.
Labels:
Baby B,
Loss,
Pregnancy,
Resources,
Stillbirth
Tuesday, September 8, 2015
8 Months
My little B has now been on the outside almost as long as she was on the inside. I can hardly believe it. Since my last post, it feels like so many things have changed. She now eats solid food regularly (and some of it actually gets swallowed). She sits up. She crawls. She pulls herself up to standing and does a little Elvis-esque hip movement since she's quite wobbly up on those chubby feet. She makes fun noises and I have no idea where she hears them. She adores story time and music class. She gives "kisses," which are more like open-mouthed slobbers on whatever part of your face she reaches. She is the best!
We've found an equilibrium at home for the time being (I have accepted that things change from day to day, week to week), and I feel like I have a better grip on home life, work, family, etc. For me, this means I am finally running regularly (which makes me feel so much more like myself), packing my lunch to take to work and making meals for the family for dinner, reading at night and while I pump at work (just finished this book and loved it and this is me on Goodreads - I'd love to know what you all are reading), and not totally behind at work. It feels good. I know the next challenge is just around the bend, but I'm embracing the feeling I have today of just loving life.
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Oh, hi! I'm not napping! |
In a few weeks, our family is joining in the Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep Remembrance Walk in Littleton, Colorado. It will be a somber day for sure, but I look forward to celebrating Quinn. Two of the women from my support group are joining. Is anyone else in Denver and planning to attend?
One hazard of being on top of things at work is that I spend more time reading blogs. Today I stumbled upon Harry's Joy and Life, Loss and Little Things. It never ceases to amaze me how my sadness at losing Quinn can be tucked away for a few hours or a day and then - boom - it catches me off-guard and takes my breath away all over again. Reading both of these blogs did that for me again, as did a call from my vascular surgeon to have a follow-up appointment to check on my blood clot.
I'm just rambling, but there it is.
8 months! Not lacking in thighs :) |
Wednesday, August 26, 2015
Amy Klein
Have any of you followed Amy Klein's journey on the Motherlode blog at the NYT? She has been trying to get pregnant for 3 years and has gone to great lengths, traveled abroad to seek more affordable care, etc. If you want to read an inspiring story, you should check her's out.
She gave birth to a healthy daughter earlier this month! I was so excited to see her article in my inbox this morning. Check out her story if you need some good news and some hope.
She gave birth to a healthy daughter earlier this month! I was so excited to see her article in my inbox this morning. Check out her story if you need some good news and some hope.
Tuesday, July 14, 2015
6.5 Months & Flexing My Schedule!
Our "little" B is 6 1/2 months old! She's no longer all that little (50th percentile for height and weight at her six-month appointment), she's moving like crazy (so far rolling all over the place and scooting backwards), she is desperate to crawl forward, and loves trying new foods. Her first swimming lesson was last night and she loved it. We only dunked her head under the water once and was surprised by it, but not upset. She also loves drinking from a small cup she has with a straw. She's obsessed with straws. I blame the fact that she sees me and her nanny drinking Starbucks from a straw and is jealous! She brings us so much joy.
I finally worked up the courage to talk to my boss about flexing my schedule at work. Since I don't really want to reduce my hours, just work in the evening after B goes to sleep and sometimes go home early or arrive late, I just asked if I could occasionally do that - leave at 3, hang out with B and then work for a few hours after 7:30 PM when she is asleep. Before I even finished my sentence , he said it was fine. All of that stress and anxiety about this on my part and the conversation could not have gone better. Last Friday I worked from home for the first time and it was awesome. I worked the night before to clear my plate and took 2 calls while B was napping, but I also went to music class with her, went for a run with her in the stroller, and spent a lot of time just playing. Thanks to all of you who shared your thoughts on this with me and gave me the courage to ask.
That's really the update from here. Life is so, so good.
I think of Quinn often. I also think often about having another baby (yes, so soon). I don't know if I have the appetite for IVF, doctors, etc. after finally being healthy again after such a long time. But then I look at Blythe and I know we'd love to have another. Who knows.
Labels:
Baby B,
Breast Feeding,
Pregnancy,
Working