Thursday, January 1, 2015

2015 & B's Birth Story

First of all, thank you all so much for the love and support.  I've found it more difficult than I remember to find 10 minutes to myself in the hospital (we are still here), but I just logged in and read comments and was just overwhelmed to receive so much support and love from all over.  Thank you, thank you.

Second, Happy New Year!  Somehow 2014 is behind me and it is a New Year.  R and I were talking about how neither of us really made any resolutions last year.  I am a huge resolution person, but I just couldn't bring myself to strive for much in 2014 beyond my health and trying to get pregnant.  I'm looking forward to a year that focuses on getting to know Baby B, taking good care of her, being  a great wife, and taking care of myself and getting back into the things I love.

Finally, B is here!  Our little miracle is here, safe and sound.  I want to write down how she arrived before I forget, so here it goes...

It's a girl! She returned from the nursery today with this bow on her hat!
We checked into the hospital at 8 AM on December 27th.  R and I treated ourselves to breakfast at a favorite neighborhood spot beforehand and then we got settled in the room.  My cervical check revealed that I wasn't dilated or effaced, so we started with the Cytotec.  Things were very slow going until the late evening on the 27th when I finally dilated a little bit (after 3 rounds of Cytotec), so my OB inserted a Foley catheter into my uterus to speed up the induction.  The day was otherwise uneventful.  R and I responded to e-mails and read and continued to clear our to-do list.  It was kind of a weird way to start things.  My nurse was one I had twice when I was hospitalized with L and she was one of my favorites, so it was so nice to see a familiar face.

Around midnight, things finally started to get interesting.  I started having some pretty intense contractions and eventually the Foley catheter fell out (this is supposed to happen), meaning I had dilated a bit.  At this point, we switched to a Pitocin drip and things started to move.  Around 4 AM, I was sitting on the labor ball and super uncomfortable, when the anesthesiologist stopped by to talk about how I could have an epidural since I'd been off the blood thinners long enough.  Yes, please!  He gave me one, but oddly I could still feel my legs and, frankly, it didn't help the pain much at all.  I said something, but I felt weird complaining about it and thought maybe friends who had one had oversold how awesome they are!

Random aside - we were walking the halls at some point on Saturday when I realized that the room next to me had a purple ribbon on the door, which signifies someone laboring for a child that has died.  It stopped me in my tracks and I had a bit of a meltdown just feeling so very sad for this woman (we were in the exact same spot last year).  I wanted to talk to her and to tell her that I understood, share resources, etc.  Obviously I didn't, but it just caught me so off-guard and made me so very sad.

The next morning (Sunday, the 28th), I was having incredibly intense contractions and was in excruciating pain.  The nurses and doctors were confused because I had an epidural so we called the new anesthesiologist and she came by to discover that the doctor from the night before had given me one, but dosed me at 1/100th of what he ought to have (certainly just an oversight, but seriously?!).  So, I basically hadn't had one at all.  She re-did it and I instantly felt better -- and at this point I was 8 CM already!  Just an hour or so later, I was fully dilated and the nurse could feel B's head easily.  We got the table ready for delivery and started practicing how to push with contractions.

But then the contractions slowed and B's heart rate started dropping along with contractions (she was having "decelerations" according to the internal fetal heart rate monitor).  They were terrifying.  I could see them on the monitor and was starting to freak out a bit (as were the nurses - I could just tell).  My OB arrived and we re-group and she recommended we just have a c-section.  She felt like the decelerations were worrisome and I have a very narrow pelvis apparently so she was nervous about the birth anyway.  She said we'd been through enough and she thought this delivery was going to be stressful so why make it more so?  Rob and I couldn't have agreed more so into the OR we went.

The c-section went smoothly but was pretty intense, despite the lack of pain.  I loved that at the beginning (it was all women except my husband), my OB asked everyone to introduce themselves and let me know who they are and then told me that everyone in the room was a Mom (except R, of course) and were so excited for me.  It made the whole thing seem a little less medical and sterile.  Rob put some music on and we got to work.  For those of you who haven't had one, there is a LOT of tugging and pushing and pressure on what you can tell are your insides and you can hear everything being said so even though I couldn't see what was going on, I know my bladder was super full and in the way (and thus knew the doc was looking at all of my organs - weird).  They had to use a vacuum to get B's head back out of my birth canal.  And I know that as they pulled her out and told me she was okay (but she wasn't crying yet), they said that the cord was wrapped around her neck (thus causing the decelerations) and that her umbilical cord was abnormally short - at the time I heard 4 cm (ha), but it wasn't that short.

All of this occurred in a matter of minutes, but it felt like ages.  Finally I heard B cry from across the room (R was with her) and she was wrapped up and laid on my chest while I was stitched up.  She was quite bruised on her face from getting squeezed as she tried to get out and she has the most incredible head of dark hair.  The moment took my breath away and both R and I started crying while she just looked at us in surprise (well, probably just in our general direction).  We didn't get much time with her before we were wheeled away to recovery (R went with her again) and then we all were reunited in a recovery room while they did B's newborn checks, gave her a bath, etc.

Officially, she arrived at 5:47 PM on December 28th.  She weighs 6 pounds, 4 ounces and is 19 1/2 inches long.

My OB joined us in recovery and commented that I could not have had a successful vaginal delivery and we were all just so grateful that we hadn't tried.  She also said that she has never been happier to have a patient no longer be pregnant!

So... here we are now.  Unfortunately, B has had spells of jaundice and has had to spend time in phototherapy, but we are really, really hoping to take her home tomorrow.

_____________________________________________

I've been feeling pretty good since delivery and B and I are figuring out breastfeeding and doing pretty well so far.  I have to admit that I have been overwhelmed in the best way possible by how much I love her.  It really is overpowering and add some post-partum hormones into the mix and things are a bit out of control.  I worry all the time that something is going to happen to her, but mostly I just stare at her in awe and R and I talk about how incredible it is that she is ours.  I kiss her cheeks and smell her head (she really has this incredible baby smell).  We talk about her full head of dark hair.  We made her and she is here for us to hopefully love and care for for years to come.

Sorry for the extraordinarily long post!

22 comments:

  1. Oh, how wonderful! So glad you and B were well cared for and that your Caesarian birth was handled with such love and sensitivity. Enjoy your new little baby!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I feel so lucky about the Caesarian, too. It went as well as I could have imagined. I am enjoying her SO much.

      Delete
  2. Reading your post about an brought tears to my eyes. I am so happy for you!! Lots of love <3

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks! I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed by how happy I feel.

      Delete
  3. Congratulations on the birth of your daughter! What a lovely way to start the new year. Good luck with all the adventures ahead!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Aurelia! It was the best possible start to 2015. By the way, I love your name - it was on my list of baby girl names and I just think it is beautiful.

      Delete
  4. This brought tears to my eyes and a lump in my throat. I am so happy for you!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Julia. I feel overwhelmed by our good fortune to have B here just a year after losing L. It feels weird to think of us having something go so well after everything that has happened, but here she is...

      Delete
  5. Congratulations--I am so happy everything went well for you guys. It's definitely overwhelming, in the best possible way ♥

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jen, you are so right - overwhelming in the best way.

      Delete
  6. Such a beautiful story, and such a beautiful baby. So glad everyone is healthy and doing well. Thank you for sharing (and continuing to share) your story with us.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, sweetie. And thanks for reading. Sometimes I feel silly sharing so much.

      Delete
  7. So glad to hear she is here and healthy. I've been holding my breath for you! Congrats mama!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Heather. I'm so glad she is here and healthy, too (and we are home!).

      Delete
  8. I have been so out of touch the past 3 weeks and only seeing this now! I am so happy for you! congratulations hon!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Congratulations and welcome, little B.! You are so much loved already.
    It sounds like you had an awesome care team, especially for the C-section. I'm so very glad everything went well. And yes, it is overwhelming, those first days and weeks. But also wonderful :) Sending much love.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We did have a great care team, which was so nice and makes such a difference. And yes, it is overwhelming in an amazing way. I so often just look at her and think about how lucky we are.

      Delete
  10. I am so glad everything went well and so glad your OB made the right call about the C Section. You guys kept your eye on the prize, which I appreciate. I get so bitter when women treat a c section as the worst thing to happen. Our society gets too focused on the delivery and the birthing experience and forgets it's the lifetime after that really matters!

    I'm so thrilled for you all.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Caroline. I am so relieved and couldn't agree more about the C section. I've never had any reservations about having one if it was necessary. It was and here we are! What else matters but a healthy baby? I might need to write a post about this...

      Thanks for being such wonderful support over the past few months!

      Delete
  11. Oh GOD. I have to tell you. When I birthed Benjamin (14 months after I birthed Andrew at the same hospital), I saw a falling leaf on a door of a neighboring room. I wanted so desperately to run in there and take those people in my arms. I knew the very core of what they were feeling and knew they were just starting that journey of grief. I won't forget that.

    Not going to lie, I felt anxiety reading some of this... maybe because I was updating Claire's journal this evening and read through her birth story again (you know, just to scare the crap out of myself again and make myself feel very grateful). The vacuum--ignorance speaking, but is it really a vacuum that makes noise? I'm too scared to Google.

    That umbilical cord. And the shortness. Goodness gracious. My heart is racing again... but thankfully that beautiful picture of her face tells me she is okay and alive and just beautiful. Funny how many people see a c-section as the be-all, end-all of pregnancy. But when you've lost a kid, a c-section is just a drop in the bucket. However that baby can arrive alive... worth all the stitches in the world.

    Nice to see my good friend Caroline is already here and supporting. xo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Someone I am just seeing your sweet comment. Wasn't knowing someone else was going through what you did in the same hospital so eerie? I still sometimes wish I had handled the situation differently - written them a card offering some resources and my email - I don't even know. Just something.

      You know, I don't remember about the vacuum. There was so much going on that I didn't really hear anything specific and I am not Googling it either :)

      I just took a peek at B in the monitor because reading this reminds me of how scared I was that she wasn't going to be okay. Sigh.

      Delete

 
SITE DESIGN BY DESIGNER BLOGS