What a week. Christmas! The New Year! Baby B is ONE! And it is the second anniversary of losing Q (Baby L). We had a gorgeous white Christmas and B was overwhelmed but loved the ornaments, the paper, the gifts, the music, etc. We both took B's birthday off of work, took her swimming and out to lunch, and did all of her favorite activities. It's been such a nice stretch of spending time as a family and having a lot of fun, but lurking in the background are the memories of little Q. My mind flashes back to scenes from the hospital much more often these days and I find myself hugging Blythe extra hard, rocking her longer, holding her while she sleeps, and constantly thinking of Q and B.
I'm reminded both of how much we have lost and how lucky we are to be where we are today. It's unfathomable to me what this anniversary would be like without B in my arms. This is my not-so-little one-year-old on Christmas enjoying the fresh snow.
I try to remind myself to be grateful and happy when I instead find myself feeling envious of another friend's second or third baby pregnancy announcement. I know I should always focus on what I have, which is the most wonderful gift I've ever been given.
Thinking of you today, Quinn, and missing you like I do every day.
Sending you love. I'm so happy you have B to hug as you think of her big sister. xo
ReplyDeleteMe, too... what a difference that makes.
DeleteI think it's ok to remind yourself that in addition to being grateful and happy it's ok to ALSO be envious or sad or whatever it is. You can feel both simultaneously, as I know you do. Don't worry about always trying to focus on the good. That gorgeous girl will enable that all on her own (and seriously - she is SO darling), but I'm sure that makes it just that much more painful as surely Q would have been just as spectacular at one, two, etc.
ReplyDeleteSending you lots of love.
Thanks so much, Caroline. I'm trying to make peace with feeling both sadness and happiness and focusing on the good but also letting myself still grieve. I think it is probably a battle we all fight.
DeleteHappy late birthday B! What beautiful blue eyes.
ReplyDeleteAwww, thanks.
Delete