I've
been struggling a lot with feeling like I am going to "jinx" myself by doing
certain things. Does anyone else ever feel this way? I'm not normally a superstitious
person, but there are a few things that I am either doing or avoiding for fear
that doing the opposite will cause something terrible to happen (e.g., I'll lose
this baby). For example, I have a necklace that I got after we lost L that I
now refuse not to wear. I've somehow convinced myself that if I don't wear it
one day, that will be it! I know this is absurd, but sometimes the feeling that
something seemingly unrelated could cause us to lose the baby is just
overwhelming. It doesn't always go with what I am wearing, so I've been trying to finagle a way to wear it each day but have it look less conspicuous.
So...
am I just crazy? Maybe I don't really want to hear your answer to that question.
Yay for a great ultrasound!! I am the sale way with feeling like I am going to jinx things and I too have a necklace from our loss I never take off . You are not alone!!! If you are crazy, so am I!
ReplyDeleteLeslie, I'm glad I am not the only one! I figure the necklace is just a permanent fixture until such time as I have a living baby in my arms.
ReplyDeleteMy plan is to add charms to my necklace when my twins are born. And make it a family necklace. I was thinking that way my angel will still always be with me!! Do you have a picture of your necklace? It would be neat to see. Thinking of you!
DeleteI am so happy all is going well with your little one!! Love that pic! I know exactly what you mean! Ultimately we know there's very little we can do to prevent or cause another loss. It's mostly beyond our control, but the jinx factor still messes with our heads. It's so hard to not fear everything when you've been through loss, but try to enjoy these moments too. I know easier said than done. I have to tell myself this every day too :) continuing to keep you and baby in my prayers!
ReplyDeleteThe jinx factor totally messes with our heads! I've been trying to take your advice and enjoy these moments -- and for the most part, I've been able to do that. I'm keeping you and your baby in my prayers, too.
DeleteYes but being crazy is a normal part of any pregnancy after a loss. I was so crazy during my pregnancy with Frostina that I refused to buy anything for her until after she was born. I thought any kind of preparation would jinx the pregnancy.
ReplyDeleteI feel the same way! My husband and I have already talked about how we'll send my parents out for a carseat IF the baby arrives safe and sound. Until then, we won't do anything. And a shower? Please. I don't know how people who have had a loss feel otherwise...
DeleteWhat a beautiful sight! Congrats. I think I would be that way too…finally being pregnant after infertility.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Jessah. It is a wonderful sight and just so incredible. I just hope things continue to go well...
DeleteMy husband is totally that way! Even when we were dating, he was afraid to expect good things for fear that it would jinx us! He is not superstitious in any other way either, only w/ expecting good things!
ReplyDeleteMegan, glad to hear I am not alone. With our last pregnancy, we didn't let ourselves get excited or really even talk about L until we passed the 20 week mark and had a perfect anatomy scan... but then everything fell apart and we felt like we let ourselves get excited and - poof - everything fell apart. I'm also not superstitious in any other way... it isn't necessarily rational, but oh, well!
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