My HCG yesterday was 417 and my progesterone was 28. I don't quite know how to feel about this. Obviously, on some level, I am thrilled. I was 2 weeks from starting IVF, a process which I have been told repeatedly is unlikely to work for me given my AMH, resting follicle count, etc. I am 5 months post-stillbirth of my daughter. This is what we desperately want.
But I am so scared. I'm scared of miscarriage. I'm scared of no heartbeat. I'm scared of how much my spirits have lifted in the last few days and how I know what I'll feel like if something goes wrong. I know I'll survive, but I'm terrified.
Does anyone have any tips for surviving early pregnancy after a loss? I'm trying to keep busy, keep exercising, stay focused at work, plan weekend getaways, and to distract myself. I'd love any tips or advice anyone has...
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Oh hon, I'm so with you! I'm 6 weeks, 1 day today and our first ultrasound is on Thursday and I'm terrified. The past few weeks since I first found out I was pregnant again have been long and scary, but I just keep telling myself this one could be different, and I'm all about the positive mantras right now. A fellow RPL blogger, "you just need to relax" (http://beckdogenator.wordpress.com/), posted the following mantra that I have been saying over and over again:
ReplyDelete“New Sperm, new egg, new pregnancy, new chance, new hope.”
I know the doctors keep telling us our chances aren't great, but there are still some good eggs in there, and maybe, just maybe, we caught ours :) Hugs hon!
I love this mantra - thank you so much for sharing. I just wrote it down and am going to put it somewhere I'll re-read it throughout the day. I'll be thinking of you on Thursday and I hope for good news for you.
DeleteWhat worked for me was to accept that I would probably be petrified the entire time (which I was) and not to expect to feel like I did during my first pregnancy. Keeping busy helps too. Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteYou are right - I will be petrified the whole time. I just need to accept that and try to not let it overwhelm me. Thanks for the advice. I'm thinking a lot of easy and distracting reading is in the cards, too.
DeleteHonestly, I never found anything to make myself worry less, I just found things to help me feel more sane and normal while I was a freaked out mess! Connecting with others who had been where I was really helped, because they got it. Working on crafts and reading helped distract me and keep me occupied, too. I reread the Harry Potter books twice, because it was a great distraction. Just let yourself feel nervous and scared and excited and everything else. If you try to avoid those feelings, it will make it that much harder.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Kate. I absolutely love the idea of re-reading Harry Potter - what a great way to distract myself while doing something I love. You are right about connecting with others - that is another step I haven't taken yet (except online - obviously).
DeleteI wanted to say I am so sorry for your loss and congratulations on your new pg. Pregnancy after loss is not easy at all. I am almost 29w with twins and our 2 year loss date is coming up in a month. I still find myself petrified but I try my best to take it day by day and week by week - and remember each pg is different. My drs are also monitoring things closely so I try to trust that too!! Wishing you the best!!!
ReplyDeleteCongratulations to use, Leslie, and thank you for your comment. You are right - each is different. I'm trying to remember that and to be as calm as possible and just to stay positive and hope this pregnancy is successful. Thanks for your comment.
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