Beta #3

I made a big mistake and took another one of those Clearblue Advanced Pregnancy Test with Weeks Estimator tests last week.  Despite me already having had a HCG beta at 417 (which should trigger the "2+ weeks according to this study), I still got 1-2 weeks, which caused me to panic and head in for Beta #3 last Thursday.

Thankfully, it looked great at 1727!  I threw out the remaining weeks estimator test because they do nothing but induce panic.  Unfortunately, I can't have my six week scan to look for a heartbeat until the Tuesday morning after Memorial Day, I'm keeping busy this week (taking all of your advice), getting exercise (the photo above was taken on a trail run/hike), and planning a getaway with my husband for the long weekend.  I'm very tempted to go back in this week for another beta...

My mood has been dramatically better since the two good beta results last week.  I feel more like myself than I have since L died.  I both love how I feel and am terrified -- I know how low the low will be if this doesn't work out and that is so scary.  I love feeling like myself (or close to it) for the first time in months.  Don't get me wrong - I don't, for one second, assume this will work out, that I'll have a healthy and live baby, etc. - but the glimmer of hope has shifted my mood dramatically and I fear the swing the other way.

In the meantime, I finished The Goldfinch and moved onto Delicious by Ruth Reichl, which is a light-hearted, easy, fun read -- just what I need.