Thursday was my second NST and it went much better than the first. I ate part of a cookie at the start to get things going and she responded like a champ. Phew. I left this one feeling reassured rather than panicked, which is (obviously) the point. I'll have one in each of the next two weeks and we scheduled our induction:
Saturday, December 27th!
Two weeks from today we'll hopefully be holding our little girl. (She just kicked me. I hope this means she is equally as excited to meet us.)
R and I are spending this weekend in the mountains. We rented a cozy cabin, we went hiking, there is a roaring fire, and tonight we are supposed to get snow. I was reluctant to go away because there is a lot to be done at home, but it was a great decision just to have some time for the two of us. Last night we spent time talking about names... we haven't settled on one, but we narrowed our list. I'm having a hard time picking one at all because I think the perfect name is the one we gave L. Does anyone have any favorite names for girls they want to share? We are struggling!
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| The view from our hike today. |
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So, yesterday a dear friend of mine had her baby. She was due about a week before me and her baby arrived early (and everyone is healthy and doing great). I need to confess something - I am jealous. She has been married just over a year and now - poof! - she has a little girl. Just. Like. That. And before me! I've been pregnant twice!
The worst thing is that this is a friend who I love and cherish and who has been incredibly supportive over the last year in particular and here I am having these terrible feelings towards her. Obviously I am thrilled on one level, but it is these underlying feelings that creep up from time to time that I dislike but can't seem to control....
It's ok to be happy for your Friend, but sad for you - that you didn't and don't get that "easy" of a go of things, that pregnancy is forever changed. It's ok to feel some jealousy. It doesn't mean you love her any less or are any less happy for her. It just means you are sad for what you didn't get and that's normal. Don't feel bad for those feelings, just feel them.
ReplyDeleteAlso, induction date is SOO soon. I am anxiously and cautiously hopeful for you!
Had Mary not been Mary she would have been Isla. Pronounced like Island. I love the name and think it's Beautiful, but didn't want her to have to correct people on the pronunciation, especially with a Hispanic last name, I was worried people would pronounce it "Ees-lah" or something.
Thanks, Caroline. I have been just feeling them and am already feeling better about it and just back to focusing on things going well for us moving forward. But thank you for not making me feel like a total jerk for having those feelings.
DeleteIt is SO soon. I can't wait.
Oh, I love Isla. We also love Caroline :)
Congratulations on 35 weeks! When AJ was born we had a short list of names but we didn't pick one until we had met her (it took about a day). I can understand wanting to have a name right away but I think it's also OK to meet the baby first and see what fits. Have you looked at a baby name list? They can be useful for figuring out what names you do (or don't) want. We did not want a top 100 name, so any of those were out even if we liked them. A name I liked that didn't quite make it was Neva. (instead of Ava or Eva which I like but which are too trendy). It means snow so I thought if it snowed on Ember's birthday we'd name her that, but it didn't. :-D (It snowed a few days later).
ReplyDeleteI think we are going to wait to meet her, too, but I want to have a few more names to consider or choose from (and we haven't thought about middle names, either). I have looked at lots of lists but continue to be uninspired. I, too, have been focused on something outside the top 100, which obviously makes it harder!
DeleteI can completely relate to the feelings of jealousy about your friend. I have a friend who is extremely supportive and one of the kindest, most genuine people I know. She found out she was pregnant about a week after my son was born still in August. And regardless of her sincere support, I just can't shake the feelings of bitterness. (Note: not jealously, bitterness!) I am trying to remind myself to not feel guilty for my feelings. I don't need extra things to feel bad about. But...damn, it's hard!
ReplyDeleteUgh, that is so hard. You are right that you don't need more things to feel bad about and we shouldn't feel bad for how we fell - it just is. I like to think it means we are just nice, compassionate people that we don't *like* or feel normal having these feelings.
DeleteI am so sorry about your Colin. Every time I hear about a baby that was born still, it breaks my heart all over again.
So glad to read things are going well! And good for you for having the energy for travel and hikes. What a beautiful view.
ReplyDeleteI think the feelings of jealousy are normal. I'm jealous of your friend and I haven't even met her! And it makes me feel bitter about life, that it is so easy for some but so hard for me. It's okay to feel happiness for her and feel sad/grief for what you've been through.
I must admit I got a good chuckle out of you saying you were jealous of my friend and you haven't met her. I find myself feeling envy and jealously of strangers all the time... the women in my Baby 101 class who I assume have no losses and have had normal pregnancies, women I see in the street, women with babies L's age. Glad it is not me! You are right that these feelings can carry over into life, too.... I try to not let that happen. Thanks for making me not feel crazy.
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